I started to jot down the various reasons why I would have loved
to have lived during the time of Jesus, or Buddha. Receive the
the gifts of their teachings.

Which led me to thinking about my beliefs. I do believe that Jesus
and Buddha walked this earth and gave their wisdom openly to all
who were ready to receive.
I also happen to be certain that this is not my first cycle through 'life' (can recycled be a modern expression for reincarnated?).
That I have definitely been 'around the block' a few times.
So very likely I did live during the times of Jesus, and/or Socrates, and/or Buddha and/or DaVinci...

And all of this brings me to reflecting why I have come back and keep returning: which is to learn the lessons and to evolve.
And this brings me to reflecting about evolution, which necessarily implies going/growing forward, not backwards.
Therefore, if I had to choose any time in history in which to live, I am choosing Here and Now. I feel as though I have picked up an armful of treasures on this particular journey, especially during the past three years. Lessons picked up along the way which have propelled me several rungs upwards on the Ladder and when I look up from my current station I see there are more rungs to go- along this and future journeys. I am now eager to accelerate the pace and fast track to....
that special Place where I can take up permanent residence.
You may know of it; I have met others who have the same desire to move There.

Happy Giving Thanks Day!

Wedding;

My ideal wedding:
No ring
not a thing
Just bring
yourself
to me,
fully.
Meet me there
you know where:
at that special place
where we speak our
love
through touch,
through breath,
in silence,
in communion.

If we do decide to designate one earthly spot
on a given day
to formalize our soul’s declaration
Then it shall be a forest perhaps
Beneath our favorite tree
Amidst the song of birds
and music of nature.


Thereafter many times
we shall exchange our vows
when we unite
through touch,
through breath,
in silence,
in communion.
Look into my eyes
And there you will see Creator repeatedly pronounce us
Man and Wife.
You may kiss the bride, any time.

Somewhere

You: ready?
Me: Yes, I am ready.
You: I will lead the way.
Me: Part of me wants to ask where we are going; a larger part doesn't.
You: Of course you trust me?
Me: I fully surrender; I want to follow.
You: Hold my hand.
Me: (I love feeling connection through hand). You know you already hold my heart.
You: Quite the responsibility:)
Me: Well, don't drop it, or stomp on it. Actually, it's pretty resilient these days. Want to know why?
You: I think I do; lay it on me...
Me: Because I have discovered what real Love is all about: I can't think of anything that can break my heart. Want to know why?
You: Why?
Me: Because I finally get that love does not hurt. Only attachment hurts. And true love is free.
You: Let's embark on the journey, shall we?

I take a step forward, somewhere. Doesn't really matter where;
I know it's to the perfect place.

How I met you

You know who you are:
we are connected
I have been waiting
waiting patiently
yet I was unready
for you
until this very time
I am open now
ready, ripe to receive
your offering
gifts of you
You know who you are
because you have already
entered
my sphere
I feel your Presence
Please accept my invitation:
step across the threshold
into my heart
through the door I leave wide open
for you
to make yourself at Home.

Observations of late...

As I was driving through a neighbourhood enroute to class
a sight caught and held my attention:
two girls about eight years old,pals,walking home from school
with freezies dangling mouth to knee.
Freezies wobbling as they walked.
I wanted to stop my car and join the freezie-fest.

I rode my bike along the lake a while back
it was not the lake that grabbed my senses
something else seized my peripheral vision
Boy on bike,
pedalling with all his might to catch up to me,
which he did.
I suppose I looked like fair competition and I was game.
As he rode beside me we talked
I asked him: "why don't you wear a helmet?"
Quick to respond: "because I am old enough not to"
monkey see, monkey do, as I was not wearing mine:
Nervetheless I questioned why he thought it might be
a good idea to wear one
and on the conversation went as we cycled side by side.
Of course the sand of his attention span reached the bottom
of the hourglass. My time was up and he sped away.
I tried my darndest to not
pedal up to him, so he could win his race.
I had so much fun.

I crawled inside a tepee on Aboriginal Day
lay down on the grass, feeling the space,
looking up and around
Two girls entered minutes later, around six I guessed,
newly met 'friends' they seemed.
They had Playful written on their foreheads
so I asked if they wanted to dance
dance for me
with the typical un-selfconsciousness of the young
(which ebbs away as we mature- lucky are those who rediscover the wonderful tides of acting from heart, without much care for judgment)
they began to dance, wrestle, tickle,
nudging each other
Front row center ticket for a magical show
of innocence and play
I couldn't help but pull out my camera
and as I clicked away
one thought dominated:
How much I would love to have real playtime
with my Mate

Recent discovery:
moving my body
in free expression
listening to where it wants to go,
sometimes to music, or during Nia class,
or in silence, at times outdoors.
Often I dance for highest Spirit,
other times I dance for me.

I am observing quite often these days,
to see what it is that occupies my heart most of the time.

And most of the time it's the kid in me
who wants to come out and have fun.
Who did not get enough playtime
all those years ago. And the part of me- the real me
that needs to come out uncensored.
Act freely, say what I want to say, laugh,
dance if I feel like it, express in the ways that feel
right for me.
Fully aligned with my spirit.

Ask away....

Ask me who I am and I may respond with
“Who am I? I have been searching:
What can I bring
to the banquet table, this feast called life?

Ask me if I love you:
You won’t need to ask.

Ask me to feed you,
I will nourish you with caresses
And as I listen deeply to the words of your heart and soul
You will know that I hear you.

Ask me where we are headed
and I will surely say:
to the unknown
all I know is we are on the path together,
ambling forward
side by side
sometimes nudging each other along.

Ask me if I want to play:
I readily engage,
laugh some ripples into our abs
Fun, with you, makes me a kid.

Ask me to teach you:
I am honoured to share what I have learned
along my walks
And I want to absorb the learnings
you impart my way.

Ask me what I desire as a treat,
I will ask you to play me music or sing to me:
a tune that plucks at my soul strings
perhaps one that makes me smile;
You can read my mood!
Or
I will ask you to read some words to me,
strung together in a way that rings
these eager ears then vibrates down to my heart
Or
I will say “let’s just sit in one another’s presence”,
connect in silence,
a silence replete with resonance.
Even when we are apart
we can feel the energy between us.

You ask me to receive your giving
because you have joy in your giving
And I gladly receive.
I ask you to receive my giving
Because there is so much joy in my giving
to you.

Ask me whether I am happy to be with you:
you will feel my heart smile.

Why do I have to...

Why do I have to:

Pick up a styrofoam object someone just tossed onto a pristine forest path?

Help my mom clean cigarette butts that do helicopter spirals onto her balcony daily?

Give my blessings to roadkill I drive by or over multiple times weekly?

Sit in the presence of a placid lake, basking in a Silence that is permeated with shotgun motorboats?

Inhale extra carbon monoxide coughed by an idling SUV, awaiting its owner to emerge from said establishment with a latte?

Listen to "news" littered with wrongdoings, all sorts of happenings that wear at my soul?

Buy into the economics of being part of the demand for the supply of cheaply made "essentials" ?

Be in a world where governments dedicate most of their budgets on ammunition, and other non peaceful endeavours?

Why do I need to:

Walk with an open heart, chin-up in this 'Kaliyuga' era?
Continue to embrace hope?
Try my best to filter the ugliness, let in all the beauty?
Try my darndest to be the change I want to see?
Extract daily joy from my connections with other conscious individuals?

Because:

I choose, one day, one lifetime, to inhabit a Mother Earth where everything and everyone lives in harmony. Resonance. As one.

My Grocery List

Music
Dancing, with heart
Getting onto my yoga mat
Physical intimacy:the caliber where the worlds stops turning,
we are One
Animals
Wind, rain, my trees, sunset and rise, moons, forests, mountains
Oh yes, the sound of loons
which goes hand in hand with waking up in a cottage by a lake
Falling asleep enveloped in velvety darkness, away from urban light pollution
Stargazing in the wilderness, getting lost in the zillions
Stroking a cat, feeling it's purr pulse with my hands or ear
Snuggling up to it's warmth
Water:
Laps
Dipping under surface and blowing bubbles , watching them rise to the surface,
Floating on my back, ears completely submerged listening to Breath
My instrument; the gong. Feeling it vibrate with my vibration,
vice versa
My two other instruments: hands. Creating. Something or other
Absorbing the oh so resonating words of my spiritual teacher:
I love him.
My therapists (I love them)
Laughing, being silly
Playing like a kid
Nurturance from friend or family
Books: usually five-on-the-go. Poetry.
Art
Cemetary: shh, the quiet
or any sacred place, where the spiritual have walked, or sat.

As I write, I realize that all of these are external things:
Outside of Me.
I am waking up to the fact that there is only one true solace:
WITHIN
Inside of Me.
It is from within that I truly know ‘this too shall pass’ in moments of grief, adversity
even though I sometimes need the reminder; like recently when R. reminded me.
It is only from within that I understand in that moment of Stress:it’s only my reaction to the situation. It’s always my choice.
Within is the only place to find the real quiet. Where I can find real love. Where I can connect with deep breath.
( So many times I have been informed:
Meditation
is the frequent flyer ticket
to this magical place)
Trying, trying. More, more I visit my place of solace.

vision

A proposed experiment:

Take a day,
the entire day
even just once,
block out sight
our strongest sense:

That which we have honed
cultivated
That which we use most to assess others
and take in the world,
at least initially,
That which has created a national obsession
of looking Good, looking Young
to satisfy and stimulate
the eyes of others
That which takes in beauty
aesthetics
art
The Most

Close the Shop of Sights
for a day
Pull down the blinds.
Do it guided by someone
or
unguided, alone

Spend the day in darkness....
And you will with clarity
"See" what you hear
"See" what you taste
"See" what you feel and touch
"See" that which you missed before.
Vision.

Next experiment:
Take a day,
the entire day
even just once,
block out voice

Close the Shop of Talk
for a day of Rest
refrain from speaking,
refrain from humming,
refrain from mouthing words.

Spend the day in silence....
And you will with clarity
understand how to listen
and to
"speak" what you hear
"speak" what you taste
"speak" what you feel and touch
"speak" that which you missed before.
Truth.

Next experiment:
Take a day,
the entire day
even just once,
block out taste
an overused sense

Close the Shop of Eat and Drink
for a day
you will live
Spend the day giving your organs a break.

refrain from putting a morsel in your mouth
refrain from imbibing liquid, just water
refrain from chewing or sucking

And you will with clarity,
"taste" what you eat,
"taste" what you feel,
"taste" what you hear,
"taste" what you see
Nourishment.

Next experiment:
Take a day,
the entire day
even just once,
block out .......
and you will with clarity.....
..............................

Some experiments
to get to Know:
what it's like to have not
what real have is
what the least cultivated sense is like:intuition, gut,
what C-o-n-n-e-c-t-i-o-n is
what Conscious-ness is.

Try it, just for FUN.

Happy Ending

Once upon One lifetime
a soul had returned to Earth:
Born unto this era
To a small family
who bestowed her with the name of Sentima.
Initially, in the very beginning of this life,
She knew her Purpose, her Place.
Bit by cumulative bit, this assuredness got erased.
She became full of strife,
A traveller she became; not really belonging,
circle in a square
heart stopped singing
that Ode to Joy,
Lost the lightness,
She longed for love, a need to be free,
To know fun and play,
Aching for answers,
that which soothed her soul.
All of this sent her seeking,
journeys took her onto foreign lands,
Always looking
to regain Happy
Adventures:
boldtentativejoylessexcitingriskysexypainfulunhealthfulexternalstimulatingsad.
along the way she occasionally bonded with other souls,
but she was not yet ready for reclaiming
that which was lost to her.
Until
ONE DAY
she found a key
the key to it all
She opened door after door,
and soon she found the security chest:
that which was locked for many years.
She turned her beautiful golden key to discover the treasure,
the Holy Grail............

That she was here to love.
With all her heart.
Self, everyOne, everyThing
Period.
Happy Ending
The Beginning.

Guide + Most memorable night

Oh Light

I know you are in there

Sometimes you are dim

Because I have shielded your brightness

Cast a veil over your face

In my clear moments, which I bask in ever more often

I feel the rays you cast through me, from deep inside me, into me,

I am a sieve for your beams

Reaching out of me, connecting,

Penetrating the darkness without which I would not have met you.

Dear Light

Reminding me of Source, Energy, Beauty,

One

I drift on your waves

Supported , guided

I Trust

I Surrender

I Open

I Know

Glad to have met you!

***********************************
And...submitting late for last week!

My most memorable Night:

Fifteen years ago
Three-thirty am.
Driving home from late night out.
Snow like down shaken from the fluffy pillows up there,
Filling a great big quilt spanning every surface.
One smooth sheet of white, no stitches between road, lawns, parks, sidewalks.
Still chill
Peace
Heading north along Yonge Street (one of the longest in the world), gliding downhill towards York Mills Ave.

Car wheels morphed into downhill skis: entire hill all to myself. No lanes. Sailing on silky terrain of powder white, mogul-free.
White spires for trees.
or
The scene morphed into my bedroom: my body rolling on my white as white bedspread, making angels.
Silky velvet robe laid out against purple black spread of sky
Buried my face in the soft light down.
White beeswax candles for trees
Illuminations by car headlights became the flickers cast by the candles on the walls of my room.

Whether skiing or rolling on my bedspread, I felt utter stillness in my bones
Hush quiet.
I owned the world. Or so I imagined.
Suddenly, something breaks the unending white:
Brown rabbit contentedly hopping on the puffy blanket, traversing my slope
I stop and watch the intruder. Mr. Rabbit stops to gauge his intruder.
Mutual recognition. Staring contest.
No-one else existed ‘cept me and Mr. Rabbit on the white blanket.
We were the universe.
Almost as quickly as he appeared, Mr. Rabbit nodded good-bye and disappeared behind the candle spires.
I was tempted to follow Mr. Rabbit; would have met Mr. Fox.
We three would have had a ceremonial dance in the circle of our white candles
Sacred dance in silent connection.

Curve

Curve of:
lips, sensual, lament for my lips

smile, electric, spreads my smile

nape, vulnerable, waits for my whisper

spine, undulating, beckons my body

fingers, shapely, tempt my touch

hip, smooth, guides my gaze

eyes, deep, invite my inquiry

heart, hooks my heart

Two S's merging into one.

QUIT

Watch your thoughts

They become words

Watch your words

They become actions

Watch your actions

They become your character

Watch your character

It becomes your destiny.

S-o-a-r

Inhale inflate my lungs duck-chest ballooned with air twree, two, twone, ready runway clear, lift-off catch the wind, up, up, open sails wide ah, floating on the draft hello monarchs; headin’ back north? how was Mejico? hey red-winged blackbird; lookin' for a mate? so pretty you are, zoom follow one of my kind; not feelin’ the attraction never mind, will find a partner soon I'm lookin’ kind a bright and colourful these days if I must chirp so myself uh,oh, gotta dip, see a v-formation coming, feelin' kinda tired, maybe I'll hitch a ride on their drag, free lift, coast for a while, Spring my favorite time ever; lots of action, get to hang with all my friends, okay good-bye Canada geese, breakin’ out on my own again, hungry; swoop, there, gulp twree wrigglies, store in my belly for later, back up I go, whoosh, just in time, there run the furry four legged friends, the barky ones try to chase me, the meowy ones try to eat me, keep my distance, the two legged ones are okay, don’t bother me except when they try to shoot my friends, strange how they bend down and pick up after four legged barky does his business, look how they get hauled by a rope attached to barky, slaves, gotta aim higher, can’t breathe here, nasty all those metal boxes with wheels; more and more every time I come back, dirty air, can’t breathe, soaring higher and higher, far above puffy fluffy blankets of wet, away, away, aim for water, up north, I can get there today, maybe tomorrow to the big mount with all the trees, or see my friends in the field, or the quiet place with all the big stones poking up from earth, or…or …or…f r e e d o m

Telephone

Used to be, next best thing to being there. Maybe these days, replacing being there?

The telephone is what I avoid the most when I kick off my shoes after coming home. For me, it represents one of the channels of communication that seems to be a constant in life these days- alongside email, internet. Necessary, useful, powerful yet intrusive.
Perhaps my attitude is a result of the fact that I am a professional in Information Technology; essentially always 'on call.'

Sadly, these channels have replaced human interaction; many hide behind these modes of communication.
One of the geatest inventions, the telephone; yet I ask myself these days whether Alexander Graham Bell is frowning upon us from yonder, when he sees people dining together talking on their respective cell phones (it is impossible to write about telephone and not mention cell phone). Ironic that the device which brought people together, now also renders them apart? Cell phones have become another appendage; perhaps a third ear, a second mouth, a third hand...

I heard a ways back that certain restaurants in California had smoking -cell phone, smoking- non-cell phone, non-smoking cell phone and non-smoking non-cell phone seating areas. Obviously this was back in the days before the complete ban on indoor smoking. Can cell phones be lumped into same category as cigarettes; an addiction? A form of escapism and entertainment while driving, standing in line, in waiting rooms? Tool to take people away from the present moment/company?

Global phenomenon. Actually, cell phone use is more widespread in other parts of the world where land lines are too expensive and not feasible. In India (was just there January), I stayed at a yoga university near Bangalore and I was astonished to find that the students were answering their cell phones in class- even when we were practicing asanas. And the students were Indian; very few 'foreigners' attended this university/ashram.

Don't get me wrong, cell phones have their importance. For car emergencies for example. Business.

Telephone features. Lots of features offered in bundled packages. The one Big Bugaboo for me is Call Waiting. It is a symptom of humankind's current state of need for instant gratification, of ADD. I reflect on my childhood; when we called someone and the line went beep-beep-beep it meant that person was on the phone. If it went ring -ring-ring and no answer, it meant that the other person was away from home or engaged in something or simply did not want to answer. Either way, they weren't available.
When I am in the throes of a conversation with someone who then puts me 'on HOLD' to take another personal call, my instinct is to end the call. I feel as though it has taken away from what we are presently engaged in, the flow has been disturbed.
As harsh as my stance is about generic personal use, there are a few merits to having call waiting: perhaps for private business owners or for emergency purposes.

I must sign off now, as the phone is ringing. Actually, need to head to work, where I have made it a personal practice to get out of my chair and go to speak to someone personally. At least four times per day. Love the human interaction.

The Future of the Planet

Circle
Has a beginning and an end;
Where do the two points meet?
Life is a circle
The planet is life
Planet too is a circle.
That End will join Beginning is a given
just a matter of when.
Mayan calendar interpreters say 2012
Others believe the end is not in sight.
I for one see signposts popping up everywhere
pointing to a planet in blight,
interspersed
with a few markers of hope.
We each have the responsibility to delve
into questions like:
Am I part of the problem or the solution?
What is my contribution
towards saving or destroying?

Whether the future looks bleak or bright,
the prescription is to live each minute to the Fullest,

to respect and honour life (= planet)

and consciously live:
Do our utmost to reduce footprint,
Do the Spiritual work.
Reduce Take and increase Give
Vote with our purchases.
Only by following this remedy
is there hope of healing
and preventing the end.
Which may be necessary
in order for emergence
of a new era.

Compose

I started to compose my writings on compose this past Sunday. Suddenly I got busy, and this became my constant state all week; it is now Friday morning and I have the pocket of time and piece of mind to put virtual pen to virtual paper.

Good thing it went this way. Because my thoughts on compose travelled along a completely different path; I was originally going to write about how parents compose their children; how they should treat childrearing like composing a magnificent piece of art. Then the universe intervened-twice this week during lunch hour I escaped from my office and drove down to this beautifully serene spot by a river a mere 5 minutes from my workplace. I love it here; I find that at times I am the only one here- Andrea's secret venue.

I spread out my blanket, stretched all limbs- sun angel. Closed the eyes and began to soak in the sun's rays. After I drifted into somewhat of a nidra state, sounds slowly started to permeate my awareness. Slight whoosh of wind, birds tweating. And most of all the rumble of the small waterfall- very close to me. I let out a sigh of pleasure; "noises" of nature make me so happy. Fill me up.
I then sensed the warmth on my skin, rays piercing all my pores. Including eyes and scalp. This is the Luxury I like!

On both days I scooped my fingers and felt the grass, pounded my feet on the earth. Made me feel primal. I am honing my primal state these days.

During the second foray here this week, oddly I plugged into my Ipod- earphones blocking out sound. I did this to feel the difference- really sense how this differed from simply listening to the sounds of nature. This is a whole other session writing.

Suddenly, on the second day I opened my eyes and eureka. I realized that the greatest composition of all time, of Earth, in this lifetime of ours ....is NATURE.

The Creator has produced a masterpiece. Esthetically pleasing, sensually stimulating, awe inspiring.

Let's all hope that we can all wake up to the beauty of it; and do our darndest to freeze frame the destruction and make improvements. If it's not too late!!!

Gotta go now, I have an appointment in 10 minutes>>>>

CU next week.

F-E-A-R-L-E-S-S FEARLESS...WIP.

Work-in-Progress to unravel this egoic-mind web that has kept me (aka spirit) superficially secure. Years of weaving has produced one fine piece of lace, magnificently spun with threads of FEAR. No doily crocheted by anybody's grandma can match it in intricacy.

Master Weaver of illusion- MIND. The fine fear-threads have been created by a spider-mind preoccupied with the future of all sorts of possible negative outcomes. Hindsight revelation usually tells otherwise.

The unravelling process is underway and it is happening at a faster and faster pace. Nothing can reverse it now.

And what matters is HOW this fancy web is unravelling.
BY LIVING IN THE PRESENT: clean slate, tabula rasa.
This is the heart of the work-in-progress. Not always easy; remember Master Weaver is a master illusionist.

But each time I reside fully in Present and in Presence, the threads keep coming out and no new web is woven in place.
Soon, my spirit-butterfly will be freed from the web of my own design.